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M over GoW

Wow, another great night of TFC for us over here at Malevolence HQ, thanks to the great fellas over at [GoW]. Of course, when I say fellas, I mean everyone except for [GoW]t00t, because t00t is, of course, female. Or at least, he looks and acts very much like a female, but is in actuality a male in origin...perhaps the endless days of Barbies and doll houses have corrupted his mind during his childhood days. But yes, great game tonight! As you can see, I've missed the days of being able to insult t00t endlessly in my writeups ever since he left us, but now I have been presented with a golden opportunity to catch up on some lost time! You hear that t00t? Your MOTHER! Haha!

We started rnd 1 on [GoW]'s server. Pings were decent, and we were off! We were a little skeptical of the map, having never played it in a league before, but things got going fairly well. The only problem I encountered at the beginning was looking down at my wrench, and much to my dismay discovering that my wrench had magically turned into a flame thrower. SEEMS I HAD PUT ON THE WRONG UNIFORM IN PREMATCH! After making the necessary adjustments, I got rolling, along with the rest of the M defense! At this point, I noticed our friendly neighborhood trashmongrel, t00t, was on offense...meaning that I would get to kill him! The night was getting better and better! The GoW offense came at us hard, throwing everything they had against us with sheer power and determination! And behind them, t00t hurried to keep up with the big boys, dragging the large bag of water bottles along the blood-stained sands of war! Great job t00t, without your service, your teamates would have !
been mildly thirsty...perhaps even a wee bit dehydrated...BUT NOT WHILE YOU ARE AROUND! Isn't that right, you stupid chimp! Hoho! (c) But I digress...the M offense manages to grab out the early cap, pulling it slowly out of the base like t00t pulls up his Depends underpants every morning. After that, a lot of stuff happens, but I'm not sure what anymore...all I know is M caps a few more, and GoW manages to drag two hard earned caps from our clutches! Defensive MVP goes to M.i^, also known as bhop, bho, bh, and with a break from the pattern, [Train]bhoxcar_billy! Great job bho...I hope your welfare cheque comes in this week so you can finally move out of that boxcar! Offensive MVP goes to M.Senor for killing lots of stuff...you go Senor! As promised, here is your box of crayons...don't eat it all at once now, or you'll have a stomache ache! Round ends with M on top 4-2! t00t is a CHUMP!

Round 2 begins on our SWEET SWEET SERVER...ah the goodness of sub-100 ping! It seems that GoW had a meeting during the break, in which the topic of discussion was "how to own M's defensive strat"...and it worked! They came at us much faster this time around, kicking my butt left and right...AND THEN LEFT AGAIN! LEFT AGAIN!!! Once again, M manages to pull out the first cap of the round, but this is quickly answered by one of GoW's in return! I would like to take this opportunity to commend DISCOANI for a great job in absolutely raping my sentry gun...thanks for the help, without you I'd have to manually take it apart each time, and we all know how much work THAT is! Whew! Also, I'd like to take THIS opportunity now to inform everyone that t00t molests small children...and some of them aren't even human! You all probably knew that already, but hey, better safe than sorry. (lock your doors at night, mothers!) After this round, I can boldly say that I REALLY REALLY HAT!
E MIRVS. Mirvs are just wrong, so very wrong...if God had wanted us to use mirvs, He would have given everyone a pouch on the side of their hips that carried mirvs and on the side of the pouch it would have said "Inside this pouch there are mirvs because God intended us to use them" and everyone could easily just grab a mirv at any time and throw it at people. However, this isn't the case, now is it?! IS IT?! That's what I thought. Once again...I disgress...O MVP goes to M.Cavalier, who is also subsequently retiring from TFC tonight! We wish that silly American all the best...well, maybe not ALL the best...you can have 50% of it! No wait, I promised my mom she could have some...and my uncle's b-day is coming up...here, take 20% of the best, and I'll send you some cookies later, ok Cav?! OK THEN! Defensive MVP goes to M.SubAt0Mic, who unleashed his pent-up anger from watching the Edmonton Oilers lose to the Stars...for the 5th time in 6 seasons, I believe. Ooooh, th!
at's GOTTA smart. I mean, really, what are the ODDS that Dallas ALWAYS BEATS EDMONTON?! It's uncanny really...DALLAS BEATING EDMONTON! DALLAS BEATS EDMONTON! DALLAS > EDMO...oh my, where did that come from...sorry. Round ends with GoW on top, 2-1!

Final score: 5-4, M wins!

Great game GoW, you played hard and clean! We look forward to our next matchup!

Note: t00t is a monkey-molester, and he eats feces for breakfast, lunch, and I swear I saw him eat feces for dinner once too.

NINJA VANISH!

-karn

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