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__ over ][

Clan Flatline vs. Clan Insurrection ? Thursday, March 18, 2004

Let me start this write up, by stating that I did not participate in this particular match. Additionally, I think it should be mentioned that many people believe me to suffer from some sort of debilitating mental illness, whether mild or inebriating is up to you, the viewer. Without further ado, I present tonight?s broadcast.

I wanted to start this write up with an interview from a member of Clan Insurrection. Unfortunately, none was available for comment. Whether this is do to the fact that I didn?t even bother to ask any of their members or not is up to you. However, I found a suitable replacement in one of my old friends, M.KarNagE`zD. I queried him for comments directly relating to tonight?s exciting match up.

<__Strider[O-6]> Do you have time for an interview?
<M|karN`zD`044-STL> Come again?
<__Strider[O-6]> It's for my write up and it would be much appreciated.
<M|karN`zD`044-STL> Ah, fire away.
<__Strider[O-6]> How old are you?
<M|karN`zD`044-STL> 35
<__Strider[O-6]> How often do you consume McDonald's?
<M|karN`zD`044-STL> I'd say I try to keep my McDonald's food-to-blood ratio at about 30%.
<__Strider[O-6]> Does having a blood stream content of 30% food inhibit your ability to...live?
<M|karN`zD`044-STL> At times, yea.
<__Strider[O-6]> Who would win in a fight: A full grown Alaskan grizzly, or 90 lbs. of nails dropped out of a plane?
<M|karN`zD`044-STL> If the bear was a special bear that ate nails to regenerate its powers, which include laser beams and flight, then the bear would win. Otherwise...probably the latter.
<__Strider[O-6]> What is faster: Light, or a flying full grown, nail eating, Alaskan grizzly which can shoot laser beams?
<M|karN`zD`044-STL> Nice try. Everyone knows light is stationary.
<__Strider[O-6]> Thank you for your time, M.KarNagE`zD.
<M|karN`zD`044-STL> I will smother you in your sleep with a pillow someday.
<__Strider[O-6]> Bahahaha, I sleep underwater, nice try bucko!

As you can clearly see do to M.KarNagE`zD?s remarks, the match was a real nail biter. I do not know the score, but I can estimate with extreme accuracy that it was somewhere in the lower thousands; quite possibly 1560-1450. If there are no further objections, I will assume this to be the official score of the match. How did we score 1560 points to Clan Insurrection?s laughable 1450 points? I don?t actually know, but I can again naturally make up some more bullshit and say it was do to Asian superstar __banichi`m3.

__banichi`m3 was raised in feudal Japan almost 200 years ago. His father taught him the ways of the samurai and of death before dishonor. Then Western Civilization moved in, pissed off Japan, cut off their oil and scrap metal supply and they bombed Pearl Harbor. Fast forward 62 years and you have __banichi`m3 playing video games for Clan Flatline (Note: __banichi`m3 may not be Japanese, but possibly Chinese or of any other of the numerous and culturally rich Asian nationalities. Like all of my other facts, it is entirely made up).

In any case, before I start to ramble I should clearly state that I am sucking up to __banichi`m3 because of possible rumors circulating that he is thinking of quitting Clan Flatline (Note: This rumor may or may not have been started by me). The history between __banichi`m3 and I dates back to just after the war and by just after the war I mean 3 months ago. You see, since __banichi`m3 is almost 200 years old, he cannot play as much TFC as he used to. That?s where I come in. I am his practice double in that I practice for him so he can stay fresh for the matches. Actually, that?s my sole purpose in this clan. That and getting conned into doing write ups for matches that I have no idea about. That being said, let?s get down to what actually transpired in the match.

Round 1 ? Flatline?s Server

I have no idea who actually played in this match, but with the ridiculous high scores it would have to be some sort of 5 hour long 1 vs. 1 marathon. That being said it was probably __banichi`m3 vs. some member of Clan Insurrection. Let?s say ][-Pritz[O-6]. ][-Pritz[O-6] is a nice guy and gave me on of those weird + things in #][. You know the ones that appear next to your name in IRC but as far as I can figure has no practical application.

So ][-Pritz[O-6] and __banichi`m3 pile into the server which happens to running 2fort (I also have no fucking clue what the map was). Now if you don?t know me, you wouldn?t know that I never play matches, and I mean NEVER. Clan Flatline will do anything to ensure that I don?t play the game of TFC. Hell, we will play SHORT just to ensure that I don?t have a spot on that night?s roster. It?s actually been close to 3 years since I?ve played a match so forgive me if my concept of the actual workings of matches is a little skewed.

Now I know nothing about ][-Pritz[O-6] honestly, but I can naturally assume he?s some sort of fishing boat captain or perhaps merely works on a fishing boat. You know the kind. With the peg legs, and hook hands, and parrot. Actually, that sounds more like a pirate. So let me tell you about one of ][-Pritz[O-6] the Pirate?s many tales of the sea.

][-Pritz[O-6] was a nice young lad. He was raised in the port of one of those coastal pirate towns. You know the ones. Well if you don?t, like I surely don?t, you?d assume that it?s just one huge dock with pirate kids just running around losing their legs, hands and eyes on sharp nails sticking out and swords lying about. Have you ever seen a pirate? I surely haven?t but in the books they are always missing hands and legs and eyes. How the fuck does a full grown man lose so many body parts? I?m almost POSITIVE it has to do with pirate kids being so dumb.

Round 2 ? Insurrection Server

My clan mate __zerosouls-BW told me of a spat that transpired between he and ][-Wonka[E-6]-CSI-. Now I briefly leafed through these logs and personally it wasn?t anything that special or worth mentioning. That and the fact that if I include those logs my 2000 word write up might possibly be deleted because of the material (which might I add was really something else and definitely worth mentioning) included colorful language and references. Actually, now that I think back about it, I don?t think anyone actually was swearing. If you pick up a copy of those logs, you won?t be disappointed. Here is a snippet:

<][-Wonka[E-6]-CSI-> it's ** ******** **** *** **** *** **** ** ****** **
<zerooo> you're ********** **** *** ****** ** * ***** ***, **** ** ****
<][-Wonka[E-6]-CSI-> and ***?* **** **** *** *** ***
<][-Wonka[E-6]-CSI-> OHHH *** **** ***
<][-Wonka[E-6]-CSI-> ITS ******* ** *** **** * ****** *** ****** *** ***** ** **** **** ******
<zerooo> haha
<][-Wonka[E-6]-CSI-> or ****** * *** ******* ****
<zerooo> you **** ** **
<][-Wonka[E-6]-CSI-> 1..*..*..*****.. ** ** **
<][-Wonka[E-6]-CSI-> and * **** * **** ** ** **
<][-Wonka[E-6]-CSI-> so ****'* **** *** *** *** ****?
<zerooo> we ***? ***** **** *** *** *** ****?

Oh those two, always up to their old tricks. For the full version please PayPal me $29.99 at iStrider@hotmail.com. I honestly don?t know why those two were fighting, but I can assume the troubles stretch back to the Vietnam War where __zerosouls-BW was station in Da Nang. Since I know little about ][-Wonka[E-5]-CSI-, except for the fact that he rubs __zerosouls-BW the wrong way, I will naturally assume he was a young Vietcong soldier in this very same war. Luck, or bad luck would have it these two warriors should meet in such unfortunate circumstances. Perhaps on any other day these two could have been good friends. They would share tales of life, over a tall glass of lemonade on a porch, escaping the onslaught of the afternoon sun.

Whatever happened to lemonade anyway? I remember when I was young; lemonade was quite the popular beverage. Nowadays, all the kids drink is Coca-Cola or PCP or what have you. No wonder this generation is going to hell in a hand basket. You know why else? These days? people look down on parents beating their kids. When I was growing up my parents would relentless kick my candy ass. If I did something wrong, I would be beat unconscious. Shit, if I did something right I would be beat. If I didn?t do anything at all?you guessed, beat. Look how I turned out, a-ok!

Where was I now? Or right, chocolate bars are getting smaller and smaller these days. I?m sure you?ve noticed. Back in my day Mr.Big was like 2 feet long. Now a days it?d barely 8 inches. Now I?m sure this can?t be attributed to the fact that I?ve grown up and my perception of length along with it, or the fact that I?ve been beat countless times. I can?t even feel the left side of my body now. But do you hear me whining about it? No, because I would have gotten my ass kicked. Actually, I got beat for not whining about it. But that?s not the point.

The point is I?m out of time!

gg ][

__Strider

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