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__ over AFM

We at flatline have hired our latest PR member, whose duties lay with doing our match writeups with his usual random ranting!

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Hi, folks! I'm Karnage. You may remember me as the author of several well-read novels, including "Offhisgame is a douche" and "Offhisgame has no arms". I've taken time out of my busy schedule today to tell you a tale...a tale filled with wondrous magic and delightful spendor. I call it..."Offhisgame is a little fairy".

Once upon a time, during the 1800's, there lived a man by the name of Offhisgame. From henceforth, he shall be referred to as Office, because I hate typing his Goddam idiotic name. Office was a simple man...and by that I mean of course that he was not good looking. He had two wicked step-sisters, Foltra and Xenica. They were very mean to him, mainly because he was unattractive, but partly because they were wicked.

Finally, one day, Office could take it no more. So he packed up his meager belongings and left home, setting a trail towards the nearest town...and freedom! Unfortunately, in between him and his goal, there lived a tribe of evil bandits who, oddly enough, called themselves the Alcoholic Fragging Machines. They were quite ahead of their time, which explains how they got to be so evil! Office knew he would need help to overcome this new foe.

He began by recruiting the Village Idiot, Strider. Although not known for his fighting prowess, Strider would prove useful in carrying the team's supplies and whatnot when they travelled. Next, Office recruited the fattest man he could find, Kaekitus, to draw attention away from his own ugly features. Next to join the ragtag team were the twins, ekaoxide and Madhornet. Together, they would drive the carriage, and perhaps make sweaty man-love at night. Busta, the tree-hugging hippie, was next to join up. Why did they recruit him? I am not quite sure, but he sure is a Goddam dumb hippie. Banichi joined up as the obligatory asian superstar...every team needs one. Finally, while I have no clue who this person is, I am quite sure that TweedeR was recruited because of his ability to transform into a giant bear at will.

This team of misfits collided with the AFM natives, and the ensuing battle was so horrific and bloody that I cannot even being to describe it to you, the reader. Just know that Strider ran like a chicken, Madhornet and ekaoxide made sweaty man-love, and Office has no bloody arms. In the end, AFM was defeated, and there was much rejoicing.

Office went on to live in the neighboring town, and lived a happy, albeit unat ahead of their time, which explains how they got to be so evil! Office knew he would need help to overcome this new foe.

He began by recruiting the Village Idiot, Strider. Although not known for his fighting prowess, Strider would prove useful in carrying the team's supplies and whatnot when they travelled. Next, Office recruited the fattest man he could find, Kaekitus, to draw attention away from his own ugly features. Next to join the ragtag team were the twins, ekaoxide and Madhornet. Together, they would drive the carriage, and perhaps make sweaty man-love at night. Busta, the tree-hugging hippie, was next to join up. Why did they recruit him? I am not quite sure, but he sure is a Goddam dumb hippie. Banichi joined up as the obligatory asian superstar...every team needs one. Finally, while I have no clue who this person is, I am quite sure that TweedeR was recruited because of his ability to transform into a giant bear at will.

This team of misfits collided with the AFM natives, and the ensuing battle was so horrific and bloody that I cannot even being to describe it to you, the reader. Just know that Strider ran like a chicken, Madhornet and ekaoxide made sweaty man-love, and Office has no bloody arms. In the end, AFM was defeated, and there was much rejoicing.

Office went on to live in the neighboring town, and lived a happy, albeit unattractive and armless, life. Eka and Madhornet have three babies, and are expecting another in June. Busta went on to hug more trees, and rumor has it that he now resides in the forests, surviving only on insects and raw deer meet. Kaekitus later hit it big in Hollywood, finding more than enough work in Richard Simmon's workout videos for the extremely obese. Banichi went on to lead the great Chinese army to victory over the Mongolians. TweedeR continues to transform into a giant bear at will, even today. Strider died in the battle with AFM, due to his complete lack of any skills whatsoever. The end.

The moral of this story is...offhisgame is physically unattractive, and has no arms.

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